fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Randomize
