Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
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