did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
Randomize
