but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
