did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
Randomize
