Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
Randomize
