Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
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