Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
Randomize
