i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
Randomize
