I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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