How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
Randomize
