Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
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