U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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