Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Randomize
