6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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