I wanna passion pit in your ass
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Randomize
