oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
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