tell your sister to shave her snatch
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
We talked him into tasing himself.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
