question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
