Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
