My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
You are a booty call, not a friend.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
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