billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
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