My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
