at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
