he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
