It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
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