i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
There's even glitter on my cock...
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