it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
Randomize
