When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize
