I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
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