If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
