I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
Randomize
