So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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