My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
