She went from zero to smokin in five shots
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Randomize
