So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
