perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
me + whiskey = a bad person
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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