yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
Randomize
