You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
People with herpes should wear stickers.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
Randomize
