I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
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