naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
She just used a chaser for red wine.
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
Randomize
