I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
Randomize
