Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
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