he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
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