I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
