I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Randomize
