kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
