I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
