Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
Randomize
