well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
