I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
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