If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Randomize
