Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Randomize
