True but thats because hes a fetus.
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
