I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
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