Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
I'm experimenting with sincerity
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
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