I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
