So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
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